Jersey Shore: One Man Down

13 Jan

Oh good, another Vinny-centric episode.  Just what I was longing for.

We pick up on the same night where we left off, at Aztec.  Mike runs into Paula, a fling he had back in season one, and she leave the club with him.  On the walk back home, it starts pouring rain, and everyone gets soaked.  Jionni apparently doesn’t have a change of clothes, so Snooki asks Mike if Jionni can borrow a shirt.  There are literally three other boys in the house she could have asked, all with an overabundance of shirts (spoiler alert) but she chooses to ask Mike.  Well, being the nice guy that he is, Mike gives Jionni a shirt, as well as a fresh package of underwear.  To return the favor, Jionni offers to whip up the late night munchies.  Snooki gets uncomfortable seeing Jionni and Mike paling around, so she goes to bed.  Jionni follows her before the food is finished cooking, saying he didn’t want to eat anything.  Mike sees through the ruse, so when the food is done, he brings it up to the bedroom.  Thrilling.

In the morning, Ronnie wakes up Pauly D by crawling into bed to cuddle.  The boys go GTL, except Vinny who stays in bed.  He’s late for his shift at work, so Jenni and Sammi have to lift the gate at the t-shirt shop.  Danny gives them the same work gloves that we use at my job.  Fun fact.

At the house, Snooki calls Jionni and he asks if they will be pregaming at the house before they go out that night.  Snooki says probably a couple of shots.  Jionni asks her not to drink because he doesn’t want her to fall over, aka be sloppy and embarrassing.

Vinny shows up at the t-shirt shop, thinking that spending some time at work will make him feel better and take his mind off things.  Danny sees something is amiss, so he takes Vinny for a drink… of gatorade.  Super professional.  Let us not forget that Vinny macked on Danny’s girlfriend many moons ago.  I don’t know why we shouldn’t forget that, but it came to mind, so we shouldn’t.  Vinny admits to Danny that he has clinical anxiety.  And well… that’s no joke.  But  aside from that, I still think Vinny is a douchebag and he gets more unlikable every week.

After weeks of being in Italy, Pauly goes overboard with tanning.  He burned his face, it started peeling so he exfoliated it and now he can’t move his face because it hurts too much.  Oh how funny.  Four more of those and he doubles his chance of getting melanoma.

The roommates are very excited because they’re going to Karma.  At the club, Deena runs into an old friend Damian who she used to hook up with.  He’s in the right place at the right time, and he might get the golden ticket.  I’ve heard Deena talk about golden tickets several times, I wonder if she knows Willy Wonka only gave out five of them.

Snooki is super drunk, which we can tell because she starts babbling about chicken cutlets for no reason, and then she falls on the floor, even though all she was doing was standing, and I think she even had some assistance with that.  Wise Ronnie says that Jionni isn’t having a good time because he feels like he has to babysit Shnooki.  Ronald also shares some wisdom regarding Vinny:  he sees him walking around by himself, whereas Vinny usually stays with the crowd.  Baffling.

At the end of the night, Mike doesn’t have a girl to bring to the “crib,” but Paula shows up in the nick of time.

Pauly brings home a girl.  He tells us, he doesn’t use the smush room, which is oh so hilarious because he busted Deena’s balls about not using the smush room in Italy, but I digress.  Vinny wants to get some sleep, so Pauly takes the girl to the smush room.  After he’s done with her, it’s 4AM.  He goes to call her a cab, but the cab company says they can be there in an hour.  Pauly says he doesn’t have an hour!  Meanwhile, the girl he doesn’t know is putting her clothes on, and she takes his chain and stuffs it down the front of her shorts.  She says she can’t leave because she can’t find her shoes.  Pauly takes a quick look around before giving up and telling her that her shoes are in the cab.  She’s not buying it, but she goes to the cab barefoot anyway.  Who cares, she has a gold and diamond chain now, she can probably buy a couple of pairs of shoes with that.

After getting his beauty sleep, Pauly realizes he can’t find his diamond chain, which, did I mention, was his favorite and meant the world to him?  Snooki tells him the girl probably stuck it in her butthole before she left.  That’s what some strangers do when you let them into your house.  Steal stuff.  Just then, the girl shows up at the door in a bikini, wearing Pauly’s chain.  Snooki thinks she took the chain so she could have an excuse to come back.  They can’t find the girl’s shoes, but Pauly says she’s already lost her dignity, what does she need with the shoes?

Vinny is still sad, so Ronnie takes him to the boardwalk to play some games.  He doesn’t feel like being around people at the club, and he can’t get sleep which is making his anxiety worse.

Snooki talks to Vinny about his feelings, and he tells her he’s giving up drinking, because he doesn’t want to use that as a means to escape from his issues.  He also says he may want to leave if that’s what’s best for him, but he wants to make the decision when he is able to think clearly.  That’s the frustrating thing about Vinny… there’s an intelligent person in there somewhere, but it’s eclipsed by his douchebaggery and misogyny.  The roommates talk about how sad they’ll be if Vinny leaves, but I’ll be happy when we move on from this storyline.

They’re getting ready to go out for the night.  The unedited shot of Deena using perfume  was probably the greatest editing choice since the dueling cab rides of season two.  They all feel conflicted leaving without Vinny, but they don’t want to overwhelm him.  Pauly hangs back as they all leave so he can try to talk to Vinny.  As soon as everyone is out the door, Vinny calls his sister asking her to pick him up, only to decide he will take a cab to Staten Island.  He has no fight left in him.  Pauly can’t sway him.  Pauly says he has to let Vinny go home to fix himself because he’s tried everything.  Yeah Pauly, you really exhausted all avenues on this one.

Pauly helps Vinny pack by unfolding clothes that are already folded and folding them back up the way they were before he unfolded them.

Farewell, sweet prince.  See you in like, a couple of weeks when you come back.

MTV and Vinny have also set up a website to help people learn more about clinical anxiety at http://www.halfofus.com/vinny/

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